rain. books. tea. beaches. naps. texts to prom date. hugs. soy lattes. office supplies. journals. cameras. trains. photography. poetry. sunsets. long walks to nowhere. camp lakota. old movies. disneyland. holidays. holding hands. right angles. insomnia. mr bear. hot showers. human contact. meaningful words.
saudade- (Portugese, Galician) the feeling one gets when realizing something one once had is lost and can never be had again.
Believe in yourselves. Dream. Try. Do good.
Catching Elephant is a theme by Andy Taylor
In response to the season that tried to break me:
The winds of fall were merciless. Chaos reigned in their wake. Ghosts and feelings and fears. Oh my. There is a hole where my passion used to be. The winds blew it all away.
I came home to fill the void. But the longest nights were yet to come. And I spent them empty and lost and alone.
Things are not as they should be. They are not as they used to be either. Rather, they are as they are and as they are they need to change.
A reluctant farewell to the last of my childhood. Good-bye. It is a new year’s day and we are half way out of the dark.
Armed with my resolutions and the tattered armor of glory days long gone. I will be alright. The dust will settle. My ghosts will quiet.
Dear Mister Thomas. I will not go gentle into that good night.
Dear 2012. I dare you.
Nostalgia
Nostalgic for a childhood I didn’t have; for a life I didn’t lead. This is the effect of seasons changing. This is the price I pay for getting older.
October
I’ve been watching the leaves change colors. The sunlight through my window has grown more golden by the day. Today was the first time I’ve worn boots since last winter. When I hear the wind at night it reminds me of home.
We set out to establish our adulthood. Our first trip away from home. Alone but together. Always together. Pretending to be grown-up. Every step we took was meant to take us towards our goal. What we did instead was journey towards something else entirely. Narnia was around every corner. Jedi blood ran through our veins. We ate dessert before dinner and shared hot chocolate before bed. There are just some things you can’t outrun. There are just some things that you shouldn’t.
Driving up the coast with nothing but the soundtrack from my past and the sound of my own breath for company. It was the kind of loneliness that one would expect from a situation such as this. A car trip worthy of the movies. Leaving my childhood home for my college apartment. Onward and upward. There’s no looking back now.
She walked in and looked around and then she turned to me and said: it looks so empty in here. I was packing when she told me that. My own mother. I don’t think she realized that it would be even emptier come morning…or maybe she did. Every time I leave for college, my childhood (bedroom) becomes less and less my own. Almost as though I have less and less to return for each time.
